Freelance writer – creative – media-maker
Dear Captain Planet,
We need your help! The planet is getting hotter, and the climate scientists on television tell me our (future) children are going to die. DIE. So I beg you Captain, on behalf of all the Earth’s citizens, to return to us, just this once, and zap all our troubles away.
If the predictions of the Department of Climate Change are correct, Australia is set to warm a further one degree Celsius, see drought frequency increase by 20 percent and fire danger increase 25 percent all by 2030. Clearly, we are in a state of emergency.
And let’s not forget my first home, New Zealand. Given the apparent tendency of my fellow kiwis to head towards potential tsunamis, rather than away from them, they could well end up extinct.
I know you’re based in the United States, but I would like you to consider a temporary migration to Australia. Think about it for a second. America already has Superman, Spiderman and Batman at their disposal. Don’t you think that’s a little unfair?
In any case, you would be nothing if not unique on this side of the globe. Seriously, you wouldn’t have to share the glory with anyone (let’s be honest Cap, Superman is a hard act to follow, eh?) and as I’ve mentioned, you’d have tonnes to do here.
Mr. Planet, please cast your mind back to the good old nineties.
You. Were. A. Legend.
Whenever things got out of hand, you and the Planeteers were always there to ward off the eco-villains of the day. Don’t think we didn’t notice your efforts. As a fat-faced, eager-to-please young child with early onset acne (I was eight), I lived to watch you work your magic every day at 5.30pm on Channel 2.
Wielding the forces of nature the way you did, with your sexy green hair and blue skin – what was there not to like?
Please don’t be angry. I do realise it has taken a potential apocalypse to get many of us properly interested in the welfare of the planet (including myself). I know there are still sceptics that continue to dispute science, rejecting figures which show the planet has been warming, and that deny human activity has anything to do with our current problem. One need look no further than our very own Opposition leader Tony Abbott to realise this.
Even so, let me be the first to offer my apologies. Climate scientists and environmental activists have been prodding me for years through the television to save water and electricity, and until now, I’ve mostly ignored them despite my good intentions.
But now they’re telling me that the world might die and I’m afraid, Mr. Planet. Very afraid.
I hope you realise that most of us believe the planet is important. Some of us even learnt that from you; I know I did. The freckly-faced gap-toothed version of me that watched your show did more than just sit in front of the telly all day – she also picked up rubbish in exchange for ‘Be a Tidy Kiwi’ stickers at school, and wrote letters to the Prime Minister and the Queen about the planet. I’m sure you’ve inspired more than one kid to do the same.
Captain, you and the Planeteers taught me and my friends to look after the environment because it is the right thing to do. Not because our future children might die if we didn’t, but because the planet is worth our love. Though some of us have lost sight of this, I think there’s still hope. After all, measures like reducing air and water pollution, cutting emissions, saving electricity, taking care of plant life and finding alternate energy sources are all indisputably good for the environment. Surely there’s still time for reason to take hold, if only you would give us a chance. We’ve harnessed all the elements – Earth, Fire, Wind and Water. Now we just need Heart (sorry, just had to add that).
So by our powers combined, I summon you, Captain, to show us the way forward. Captain Planet, you’re our hero, let’s take pollution down to zero!
Reformed Greenie/Captain Planet fan